Expect the Unexpected

I was watching something recently where there was a covered dead body being wheeled on a gurney when I recalled a time that seemed like such a small occurrence that’s stuck with me for a long time.

Years ago when I was dating my ex, we would go out in the early evenings and walk his Shiba Inu mix, Maggie. Maggie was a sweetheart who I wish liked me. Apparently she didn’t like women, the only people she was warm towards was my ex and his father. She liked the girlfriend he got after me, proof that the relationship was never meant to be. If the pets don’t like you, there’s a problem. I should have picked that up when a previous ex had a cat named Princess Kneesaa after a character from Star Wars. I still have no idea who that is but he was a gigantic Star Wars nerd to the point where it’s embarrassing to think that once upon a time ago I dated someone that deep in the franchise. In my defense, I jumped into a relationship right out of college because I was depressed and had no idea what to do after graduation. In all honesty, I had a crush on his friend and just jumped into a relationship with him to pass the time. Anyway, his cat Princess Kneesaa habitually hissed, lunged, and scratched me. One time when I spent the night at his studio, I woke up in the middle of the night and saw Princess Kneesaa hovering above me on the headboard, hissing at me. I swear to God that cat would have killed me if she could. Or eat me in my sleep. I’m lucky to retell the tale. What a nasty fucking cat.

Anyway, that’s not the point I was trying to make. What was the point? Oh wait, I remember now.

So me, my ex, and Maggie were out on a walk. My ex lived by Hoag Hospital in Newport. We ended up taking a short cut and walking through the back of the hospital. I can’t remember what we were talking about. It was something lighthearted because I do remember laughing and joking around with him. As we cut through the back, we immediately got silent when we looked to our right and saw two orderlies wheel two covered dead bodies on gurneys into a van. I think one of us broke the tension by saying we were not expecting to see that. The mood darkened and we were rather quiet until we got home. My ex’s dad asked us how the walk went. We mentioned the dead bodies we saw then changed the subject to something else, never bringing it up again.

At the time I didn’t dwell that much on it but I still think about that incident every now and again. I’ve never seen a dead body, not even my mother’s. When my mom died, I thought I was going to have to ID the body but my dad volunteered to do it for me. I think it was his way of protecting me. Plus I didn’t want the last image of my mom to be her lifeless corpse. I asked my dad later on what she looked like. He said she looked peaceful, like she was asleep. That gave me some comfort. But seeing those two bodies on a gurney hasn’t left me. There was just something so startling about that image. It was unexpected, but I guess death is always unexpected. No one person can prepare for it, it just happens.