The Architect of the Unattainable Archetype
As I’ve been working on readdressing my past anger, I have found myself going down a Henry Rollins rabbit hole. Is there really anyone out there who has channeled their anger better than Rollins himself? He runs on fury, and has managed to keep it under control rather than repress it, which is what I’m re-learning how to do. How do I acknowledge my anger while addressing it? How do I handle it in constructive ways?
In the midst of learning, I have landed into the Land of the Horny, population one. Go figure I find myself easily distracted in my research but I’m leaning into human desire right now because I don’t need to repress any more things in my life as a thirtysomething year old woman. Also I’m on my period and extremely hormonal. I have no choice but to explore this desire at this juncture.
I’ve always had an inherent attraction to Henry Rollins and not just in physicality. Physically, he’s fit. He’s got a Goldilocks “Just Right” body type—not too muscular, but toned (I still appreciate a teddy bear physique. I don’t discriminate). Broad shoulders, square jaw, a man who doesn’t skip leg day, and hell, the thick neck works for me, too. I don’t prefer them, though—this is strictly just a Rollins trait Rollins pulls off well, would not recommend every man try to achieve this unless you like a thick neck.
The real magnetic force is his demeanor. Henry Rollins is the closest to the Bad Boy I’ve ever found myself attracted to, and even then I don’t think you can really regard him as a Bad Boy. My dating history says otherwise, as it is comprised computer/gamer nerds with Magic The Gathering collections, monthly D&D matches, and a bookshelf devoted to WWII. Sure, they can’t talk to me about their feelings or ignore me for hours in the middle of playing Witcher 3 but they are always excited to tell me about an obscure WWII battle in great and theatrical detail or the new RPG dropping at midnight that they are skipping work so they can play it as soon as they get their hands on it. I find it fascinating why I’m drawn to these guys, and most of all, why these guys are drawn to me.
But the reason why this confounds me is because I’ve always fantasized about a dude somewhere out in the wilderness who’s into punk and hardcore. A man who has a few tattoos scattered across his average sized body, thrives in a mosh pit, politically conscious, inquisitive in nature, and well-read. Maybe he’s not all that technologically inclined, and his nerdiest tendency is he stays up too late with his nose in a book. I have always thought I would be with a guy like that and somehow I’ve just never crossed paths with him.
I’m sure someone like this exists, but I think I’ve built this man up in my head a la Build a Bear so much, these guys feel like exotic animals, and it’s that whole “you want what you can’t have” type of thing, because I think if a guy like that, or even Henry Rollins himself, were to find a romantic interest in me I wouldn’t know what to do with him. I’d be intimidated because I found the Holy Grail of what I have always wanted but what then? I hate mosh pits, I don’t read nearly enough as I should and spend way too much time on a computer. Would I even be stimulating enough for this guy? My biggest fear would be him finding out I never read Faulkner and Sleep was never my thing and he’d move on to someone else who listens to Stoner Metal and knows As I Lay Dying is more than a Screamo band.
I’ve just never deemed myself as the girl who chases Bad Boys. The scrawny nerds will break your heart, and the Bad Boys will, too, and the only commonality they share is that both will do it in the dumbest ways imaginable. I think that’s just boys in general, though.
The archetype I’ve designed in my head using Henry Rollins as inspiration will forever be more fascinating to me than the actual human on this planet who checks off all the boxes.