Insaitable
I’m a month into being medicated, and a full week into the new increased dosage, and while I do notice an increase in energy levels, other things have also increased.
One thing that has increased is my appetite. Before being medicated on synthetic hormone, I ate like a bird. I could go an entire day without eating sometimes (Reflecting back on the last few years, there were a lot of signs there was something not right with me, and I should have gone to the doctor sooner but hindsight is 20/20 and all that other dumb bullshit).
There was a minor hiccup with food poisoning earlier this week that made me puke twice, certainly not my idea of a good time. I always forget what the body does right before vomiting—the sweaty, cold, clammy feeling, the over production of saliva that pools in your mouth, the hand shaking, and if you’re me, the near crying because I hate puking. The relief afterward is great, and I was proud of myself that I was able to keep it from going up my nose. I thought my violent puking days were over with until the next morning when I noticed the bursted blood vessels around my mouth, forehead, and eyes. Turns out what I fixed in preventing vomit from going up my nose, I made up for in petechiae all over my face.
After I got past that speed bump, I noticed how hungry I was. Like obscenely hungry. No matter how much food I ate this week, I was always hungry again an hour later. Last night I got a chicken sandwich, fries, and an Oreo McFlurry. I ate it all in one sitting, which is something I never do. Two hours after I ate the meal, I was hungry again, and at that point I just opted to go to bed. I am not accustomed to eating this much, and now I have to consider different snacks I can have during the day to stave away any pangs I may feel. My stomach has turned into a bottomless pit, and I am trying to come up with different food options that have a lot of fiber and protein so I’m not constantly having to eat all the fucking time.
It isn’t just my regular appetite that has increased, either. My libido, which a month ago was non-existent, is now at 16-year old boy levels. Sex is an ever consuming thought on my brain. If I am not thinking about food, I am thinking about fucking and vice versa. My life would be so much easier right now if I had a partner who could fuck me then feed me. I can’t believe I just accepted my low sex drive as a side effect of aging. It feels like Pleasantville, where things have changed from black and white to color. I am easily excitable—conversations about The Armed and Pile have somehow made me hot and bothered, but that has more to do with the person I was having the conversation with vs. the actual topic of conversation. Constantly asking, “Do I need to be fed or do I need to be fucked?” makes slaving away on a spreadsheet at work even more difficult when all I am doing is trying not to think about how hungry and horny I am.
I have masturbated for the last three days in a row, which is something I haven’t done since I was 14 and discovered the art of masturbation. The Magic Wand is getting a lot of mileage this week, and I need new ideas for the Spank Bank. I can’t imagine if I was in a relationship right now and constantly had to have my partner cook for me then fuck me senseless so I could ease this increased sexual appetite. I’m sure their dick would be raw at this point.
On one hand, this shit is annoying, because as I mentioned these are ever consuming thoughts and I’m having to acclimate to my changing body. At the same time, I’m happy to see that the medication is working and I’m feeling more like myself. I’m sure this will even out once my hormone levels get within range. Until then, I will live with carrying snacks with me at all times to keep me satiated and try to find a new vibrator to whack off with.