Can We Always Be This Close?

Taken in Fullerton, CA 2021.

Last night I had a dream about you, and it was wonderful because it was probably the closest I had ever come to ever telling you my real feelings.

For some reason we were hanging around some random emo kid (I don’t know why and please don’t ask because I didn’t dwell much on this fact). At first we kept it cool, but at a certain point we were walking in the same direction and you quickly grabbed my fingertips indicating you wanted to hold my hand but didn’t. It was reminiscent to the time I visited you and we were drunk on wine, looking at a map of the United States that hangs on your wall with every route you ever took on your cross country road trips and we were more physical with one another than usual, probably due to said wine and nerves. We briefly intertwined fingers before breaking apart, also probably due to nerves.

When we found ourselves back to said emo kid and standing behind them, we were side by side. Without hesitation, you grabbed and held my hand with such confidence. You whispered in my ear, “I’m in love with you and you’re all that I think about”. Not missing a beat, I whispered back in your ear, “I’m madly in love with you, and I can’t tell you how often I think about you”. We both had smiles plastered on our faces, and I woke up feeling elated.

This is merely wishful thinking on my part that such an occurrence would happen outside of slumber but it felt great to hear myself in some capacity verbalize the feelings I have had for years. And even better, it was delicious hearing you say the words out loud even if it was solely in the dream world.

I always relish having you in my dreams. I wish I had them more often. I always feel closer to you when I do.