Even Hot People Get The Blues

I’ve been watching Too Hot To Handle this week. Dumb Netflix show with dumb, hot people and an even dumber premise—letting hot people wander on the beaches of Turks and Caicos, clad in bathing suits that barely cover any of their naughty bits with other equally hot people, banned from engaging in any sexual acts. Any sexual act they engage in comes with a literal price tag depending on the act. The pot starts off at $100k (This season the prize was raised to $200k) and dwindles down any time an infraction is made. The acts range from a simple kiss to sexual intercourse. This ban is supposed to discipline these people into forming deep, emotional connections and can only be “green lit” to express their connections in a physical way if an A.I. cone called LANA gives the okay. Whoever shows the most growth during this retreat wins whatever money is left in the pot.

It’s a stupid show. Campy, horny, and absolutely brain numbing—great if you’ve had a rough day, baked out of your mind, or going through a depressive episode. It will turn your brain into mush. However I get some enjoyment out of the show. Not just from a ‘turn-your-brain-off’ type of vibe, but in a what do these reality shows tell us about how we should be in our romantic lives, and it’s always so telling.

For starters, the mixed messaging in these shows wants to say one thing but shows another. The Bachelor/Bachelorette series are notoriously bad at displaying this. Its premise is predicated on finding their “Person” to get married with and spend the rest of their lives with over the course of a few weeks. One person enters numerous different relationships with different men or women at the same time—something that society tells us is a massive no-no, that can be hurtful to the other person. It advocates for an open relationship that is one-sided with one person receiving the most benefits of it even though they always state it takes a toll on them as they stick their tongue down five different people’s throats in one evening. Yeah, that sounds totally stressful.

Not to mention these dates have a tendency to lead into something that would be found on Cinemax after midnight on a Saturday night. I’m kind of amazed how horny it gets for a network television show, but I guess it’s okay because the relationship is supposed to lead to a proposal so it’s considered “tasteful”. Through all this horny, dating multiple people at the same time scenarios, it’s trying to promote monogamy.

And not just regular ol’ monogamy but heteronormative, classist monogamy. White people finding their fairy tale weddings. Apparently gay people, poor, or non-binary individuals don’t exist in these worlds, as they are never invited as potential suitors or to be the Bachelor or Bachelorette. Also they’re usually white from fairly well to do financial backgrounds. I guess only certain people get to have that fairy tale wedding.

At the end of the series, there is a proposal and the likelihood of that proposal actually materializing into a Wedding Day is virtually non-existent as most of the engagements end in break-ups shortly after the series ends.

Dating in a vacuum is ideal in a sense for getting to know someone in depth. Without distractions or worries, you’re left to focus on the relationship, but what happens when the real world comes back into play and you both live in completely different parts of the country? Who moves and which one has to give up their career to move? Religious beliefs? Politics? Necessity to have children? Are they allergic to dogs/cats/pets that would force you to give li’l ol’ Fluffy away because your partner will go into anaphylactic shock if they are within three feet of cat dander? However these shows time and time again show us that ignoring the rest of the world while dating someone just never works out in the end.

Too Hot To Handle doesn’t necessarily go quite as hard on the getting married and building a family narrative, but it does display what “traditional” relationships should be like. Meaningless sex is bad, having a sexual connection with someone immediately is inherently wrong and bad, and that sex should only be enjoyed when there is an emotional connection. But the contestants they bring on are in their twenties—the obligation to settle down shouldn’t even be something to consider. Let them fuck random people without strings attached. As long their partners understand what the situation is, who are they hurting? Your twenties are spent getting all the random sex out of your system. It’s the messy journey into discovering what you want, which is normal for twentysomethings.

And if the chemistry is there, sometimes having sex early in the relationship just happens. There have been plenty of people who have fucked on the first date and have ended up married. It’s possible, why deny yourself any potential pleasure for the sake of not appearing easy?

There are also workshops that are supposed to help the hot singles open up emotionally since they resort to sex rather than confront their own emotions. New Age-y types come on and guide the himbos and bimbos into getting in touch with their souls while looking like Darth Vader if he lived on a beach. The exercises do nothing but use their emotional problems as a visual aid. This is when these horned up individuals are put into “sticky” situations that tempt them into sex or otherwise provide visual gags in over-the-top scenarios.

Both of these shows, along with countless others, draw up this blueprint that there is only one way to love and that’s if you’re a heterosexual who solely goes into monogamous relationships. Time and time again, it’s been proven that humans aren’t necessarily monogamous creatures but rather we have been conditioned as such. Anything that ventures outside of monogamy is frowned upon or any relationship that doesn’t lead into a marriage proposal is useless. It is pop culture dictating the terms of what is a good relationship and what is abnormal or bad. While I don’t think it forces people into monogamous relationships, it definitely adds guilt to those who don’t practice this in their own dating lives or are just having a good time while they figure out what they want.

The reality television overlords want to have their cake and eat it, too—they want to show good, healthy relationships while peddling smut.