The Value of Value

I sometimes wonder if it’s my values and being a stubborn prick that gets in the way of enjoying a simple victory. Sometimes I wonder if being a heartless, selfish person makes living life easier. I could do what I want without the fear of repercussion. Everything would be a victory because I’d put people into submission to bend to my will without worry what kind of cunt I’d look like at the end of the day or give a second thought to the person who was hurt by my words and actions. It wouldn’t matter because the validation would mean nothing. Their opinions of me wouldn’t register. They wouldn’t even be a thought in my brain. It would mean absolutely nothing.

There’s something freeing about that kind of life. It’s also a lonely existence. How do you maneuver through every day living when everyone just fucking hates you? Maybe I’m not the most social person, often times failing to reach out, but the thought of not having anyone in my life, even through my isolating depressive episodes, is just one of the saddest scenarios I could ever imagine.