I don’t know why it’s so hard for me to talk to anyone about what goes on in this stupid head of mine. All I have to do is move my mouth, make the sounds, make those sounds sound like words, use those words to form a coherent sentence that articulates my thoughts, and express those thoughts to another human being. It’s so simple! Yet with me, it’s the equivalent trying to pull a jack ass out of a thick pile of mud.

I don’t know why I’m like this. No, wait, I’m lying. I DO know why I’m like this, I just don’t know why I can’t fucking change. Every time I get close to expressing just one fucking thing in this dumb fucking skull, a stop sign emerges, and I freeze. I would just like, for once, to completely fall apart in front of another person. I don’t want sympathy, I don’t want a shoulder to cry on or a pat on the back telling me everything is going to be okay. I just want to lose control for one moment in my life, and feel the sweet relief of not having to not feel like I have to put up a front, and just show one Goddamn person in this small world that I’m insane underneath it all. That would be me, in my most vulnerable, honest form.