Sex has been on the brain a lot lately, but sex with one person in particular has been on my brain. Even in my fantasies, I’m still monogamous. I can’t recall the last time I thought about having sex with any other person other than him.

Maybe it’s the summer heat bringing this on. I remember reading somewhere people get hornier in the Summer, although the thought of having sex when it’s 90 and humid sounds like a bad time unless we are in an air conditioned space or fucking in a walk-in freezer.

Being more active also makes you horny. I have been walking a lot the last couple of weeks. Per my iPhone, my step count has been averaging around 8k, although I hear pedometers on your phone are off by 20%. Either way, it’s been a lot of walking. I’m actually annoyed today because we are experiencing bad winds and rainfall from Hurricane Hilary, which has forced me to stay home instead of going to the movies to watch Heaven’s Gate.

It’s been a busy month for me. I’ve barely been home. If I’m not at work, I’m at the movie theater. And if I’m not in the movie theater, I’m in the park reading or at the brewery reading. I’ve had plenty of fantasies about him, and reading with him. I don’t want to break out a Millennialism or sound like a Sapiosexual by saying “Reading is sexy”, but it can be sexy if you read within close proximity of one another, which we have done in the past. What made that experience exciting for me was how we inched closer to one another, in the middle of a bar, surrounded by a whole bunch of people. It felt like a weird game of intellectual foreplay that only we were aware of. Maybe that’s why I fantasize about reading with him a lot.

By the time I get home, I’m exhausted and too tired to even break out my vibrator, ignoring my sexual needs, telling myself I’ll do it the next day, hoping I will be less tired to please myself. Instead I just go straight to bed, hoping a dream will elicit a response within me, and I’ll have a hot enough dream where I can just come. It’s been a while since I’ve had one of those.

I’ve been reading Find Me, the sequel to Call Me By Your Name, and the book has made my motor run. It’s not sexy as in an erotic novella, but it just reminds me of said person I have been thinking about fucking, which has just exacerbated this aroused feeling I’ve had all week.

For many years, my thoughts about him have been so pure. Even my dreams with him in it have been PG where the naughtiest thing that happens is holding one another’s hand. Lately my thoughts about him have been filthy. In all honesty, I’m glad these thoughts have graduated to a more sexual manner. Dreams of hand holding are nice, but they make me feel like I’m fourteen all over again. I’m an adult woman with needs and desires, and my needs and desires are screaming for him to fuck me senseless.